Yeah. That’s right. I was in Washington D.C. on January 6th. It didn’t go as planned, you know, with all the deaths and arrests and such, but I made it out fine. Maybe I’ll never be able to get a job again, maybe I’m on a dumb FBI watchlist, and maybe my family won’t talk to me, but I was simply doing what God Emporer Donald wanted me to do. He wanted us to stand back and stand by for this very moment.
I was radicalized by a small Neo-Nazi Facebook group, “Clinton County Exposed”. During the tyrannical lockdown we were forced to go through, I found solace knowing that I wasn’t the only Clinton Countian upset with that little SJW Mike Dewine and his 1984 tactics. I simply want to be left alone by my government to commit tax fraud and harass teen girls on the internet freely, not be locked in my home like a peon. The people in the group shared my sentiment. It felt like home.
In late November, there was an advertisement for the “#STOPTHESTEAL Protest” in D.C. trending in the group, and I was instantly interested in it. The swamp had stolen the election! King Donald was up big early and he somehow lost! The big cities that are very diverse and educated were like, 95% DemocRat and they were tallied last! They had to have manipulated votes! I am very smart and understand how demographics and counting votes works.
So, me and my fellow Patriots began to make plans on how we would get to D.C.. Most of my friends were taking an off day from their company they owned, flying in on their private jets, and booking hotel rooms for the week. Which was cool and all, but I had to beg my mom to let me skip school, pay for my own gas to get there, and sleep in my car. I thought private jets were for The Swamp? Oh well, this means nothing. I don’t think very hard.
I arrived very early. I was one of the first people to gather within range of the Capitol Building. I shouted “CUCK” at a dumb libtard wearing a Bernie pin, he had no answer for my Tim Pool beanie and my MAGA sweatshirt. My drip went absolutely stupid. Eventually the crowd got large and I heard murmurs of storming the Capitol, one guy even had zip ties so he could… attach himself to his partner so they didn’t get lost? He definitely didn’t have any criminal intent, so I followed him past the gates guarded by police and didn’t ask any questions.
The building itself is beautiful, it really is modern art. I couldn’t believe where I was. I was among a crowd of American heroes and our boys in blue. I also couldn’t believe that there were gunshots echoing down the corridor. So, in a puddle of my own piss, I left. I thought the police were supposed to be shooting innocent people walking the streets in the middle of the largest civil rights protest in history? We’re Patriots, we have their backs! BLM burns down a Wendy’s but we can’t force entry into an important government building that’s in session? (Also I dislike BLM because libz like it. I dislike antifa for the same reason and I don’t even know what it means! I’m anti-antifascist.) Where was Donald? Why is Mitch McConnell saying our actions were bad? Why are all my friends being arrested?Wait… wait. Maybe we’re the bad guys?
No, that can’t be right. #MAGA
